Proverbs 3:5-6, one of the most well known Bible passages, says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Did you catch that? Do not LEAN on your own understanding. When I think of leaning on something, I picture putting my weight on it, fully believing that it will hold me up. Let me tell you, after this week, I can say for sure that my understanding is NOT going to hold me up. We are to trust completely, 100%, with our whole hearts, in the Lord. God can see the big picture, He is planning out each moment of our lives. Who are we to think that our own plans are better?
As many of you know, I've been training for a marathon since May. The marathon is 2 weeks from tomorrow... And this week I finally broke down and went in to get my leg checked out. I had been fighting pretty intense pain for a month, but it simply wasn't getting better. I didn't get the news I was expecting. I found out that I may have a tear in the labrum in my hip. I won't know for sure until I get an MRI done, but even if that isn't the case, I'm in enough pain that it may not matter if it's torn or not. After a tough hour of therapy trying to get to the bottom of the issue, I was sitting on the exam table clutching my hip, discussing next steps with my doctor. My mind was spinning, thinking of all my plans... He was giving me best and worst case scenarios... none of which sounded too hopeful. But, he told me to try running the next day and see how it went.
I went out for a run Thursday afternoon, and barely made it a mile..... This coming from the girl who ran 18 miles not all that long ago.. I was in a lot of pain, but I refused to stop before the 1 mile mark. My pandora station was set on a secular band, but as I neared the end of the mile, the song "Everything" by Lifehouse came on. If you know that particular song, it continues to build and build and build until almost 4 minutes into the song. Literally JUST as I stopped running and began limping, the song hit it's climax, and these words came blaring through my headphones. "Cause you're all I want. You're all I need. You're everything, everything." I broke down in tears and sat on the curb. I was in so much pain, angry and frustrated, but God reminded me so clearly that He's all I need. He is my everything. You really have to check out the song to understand the moment. I think that it will forever be a vivid memory for me. If you start at 3:30, the climax is around 3:50. Listening to it now, it still makes me want to cry.
I don't know what the next few weeks or months will hold. I don't know if I'll be lacing up my shoes to run the marathon, or laying in a hospital bed after surgery. (or sitting on my couch with an ice pack trying not to think about the race I'm missing...) I could be struggling through the finish line, or struggling down the hallway at school on crutches. I really have no idea. No amount of planning on my part will change anything. But you know what, my God is still faithful. My God still has a plan. My God has not forgotten me. And I know that I can trust His plan, because He's my everything. He is all I need.